shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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