I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
