He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
