wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize