You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
