if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
My feet surprised me
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