I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
