I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
