His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
