found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
