Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
