ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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