That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Randomize
