I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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