It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
