what if every blade of grass was a penis?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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