Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
