I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize