there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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