If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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