My friends, they love my intelligence
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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