yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
you win again, gameday.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
