Your mouth is God's brothel.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
