he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize