Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
