i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I wish I only lived at night.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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