I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize