Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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