I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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