i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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