never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
