my vag is so smooth its legendary
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
