My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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