Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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