C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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