just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize