When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
