my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
