You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
