1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
My pussy is not your playground.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
