THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
