I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
