You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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