That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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