First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
