In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
