Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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