My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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