areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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