I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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