You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
