Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
