it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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