everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
