cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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