:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
