I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
