Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Can you bring me the toilet please
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
