D3 body, D1 cock
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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