no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
