I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
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