I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
