I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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