I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize