i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
The convent might be a nice break from real life
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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