i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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