I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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