my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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