Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
