Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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